So…I took one for the team, you guys. Literally. I have had SEVERAL people asking me the last couple months about a sort of taboo-ish health-related subject…coffee enemas! Yessir. Sooo…apparently it isn’t enough that Pants has been doing them three times a week for an entire year, nope, we need a ‘normal’ person to do one and tell us what it’s REALLY like ;) Ok whatevs, I’ll be the guinea pig. So I did one! And it was truly…not a big deal. I mean, there’s obviously prep involved (like, make sure everyone is out of the house first…check!), but it wasn’t the BIG DEAL we all think it is.
I mean really, people have been doing them FOREVER. Like, even the Egyptians did them. There’s tons of historical info on them if you care about that sort of thing. When I was growing up, it wasn’t considered a big deal at all (although granted, my family is a little…different ;)), but we lived on a farm and my mom told me they even gave them to the animals sometimes. You know, for fun. Just kidding.
Here’s the thing…the whole POINT of a coffee enema is to assist your LIVER when it gets overloaded with toxins. That’s it. Why the liver? Well…with the exception of the skin, the liver is the largest organ in the body and performs over 500 functions – way more than any other organ in the body. We really can’t be truly healthy or recover from illness without a strong, clean liver, and if the liver isn’t functioning well, not only does it become congested/weak, but all our other organs will be more challenged as well. (healthybliss.net) ESPECIALLY if you have a chronic disease, it is VERY important to make sure your liver is functioning at a high level!
So coffee enemas are the way to get those toxins out of the liver. The ‘non-technical’ way to say how exactly you do this goes like this: ‘You put warm coffee liquid in a tube and then put it up your butt, it flows into your body to your liver and you hold it there for a few minutes, then you potty it all back out, including the toxins that come with it.’ But here’s the ‘technical’ way to say it: The theobromine, theophylline, palmitic acid and caffeine in the coffee travel via the rich capillary bed of the rectum into the portal vein, which leads directly to the liver. These substances dilate blood vessels and open up the bile ducts allowing the liver to release bile, which contains toxins. Coffee administered this way also stimulates an enzyme system in the liver, which increases glutathione, the master antioxidant in the body, by 600%-700% above normal activity levels. This antioxidant reacts with free radicals (which cause cell damage) in the bloodstream and makes them inert. These neutralized substances become dissolved in the bile, are released through the bile flow from the liver and gallbladder, and are excreted through the intestinal tract. While holding the coffee enema in the colon for 10-15 minutes, the body’s entire blood supply passes through the liver 4-5 times, carrying poisons picked up from the tissues. So the enema acts as a form of dialysis of the blood across the gut wall. It’s an amazing way to assist the body to detox in our very toxic world. (Liveto110.com)
It goes without saying that just doing something ONCE isn’t really going to help in the grand scheme of things. This is a type of thing that you need to do a few times on a consistent basis, ALONG with other healthy changes, to really make a difference. This also isn’t like, the FIRST thing you do when you decide to change your diet or live a healthier lifestyle ;) But doing coffee enemas can be a great way to consistently dispel toxins out of your body once you’ve already made some healthy changes…actually *especially* if you’ve made healthy changes, as the toxins in your body will start leaching out of your body’s cells and start collecting in the liver, which can really overload it. This is a big reason Pants (who has a chronic disease) does them SO frequently (3x a week). (But I definitely don’t think regular people need to do them THAT often, Lol!)
So here is MY experience:
HOW TO DO A COFFEE ENEMA
I looked at this as a relaxing experience for my body, so I took my time – I actually blocked off a whole morning alone to have lots of time to slowly make the coffee/prep for it, then factored in time after to chill and take a nice bath. AND NO, IT DOESN’T HURT! Promise! (I was worried about that, Lol.)
** There is a school of thought that says you shouldn’t do a coffee enema until you have cleaned the colon out first. (You clean the colon out by doing a warm distilled water enema prior to the coffee one.) Some believe that you need to flush out the icky stuff in your colon first, since it may actually draw toxins into the liver from the colon, causing more harm than good. I personally feel like this kind of makes sense, based on anatomy, but am still on the fence about it. Maybe I should have done this first? I don’t know…If you are a coffee enema first-timer, PLEASE RESEARCH this further! **
Step One – Make the coffee.
You have to use ORGANIC coffee. You do NOT want any pesticides/chemicals/residue going in your body this way, trust. A lighter roast is best, that’s what most recommend. You also have to use DISTILLED water, NOT regular water. Here is Pants’ basic ‘recipe’ that he got from our holistic health practitioner. (It’s super easy…I mean, even Pants can make it ;))
COFFEE RECIPE (2 ingredients)
1 quart DISTILLED water + 3 heaping teaspoons ground ORGANIC coffee
- Bring the 1 quart of distilled water to a boil in a pot on the stove
- Add the ground coffee
- Boil 3 minutes
- Simmer, covered, for 10 minutes
- Cool 1 1/2 hours
You want to cool this down until warm-ish (like, a little bit above room temperature). Warm is good. Hot is bad. Cold is…unbearable and really bad for you.
Now, when I did this, I only used half the recipe. I don’t know why, probably I was nervous to use it all, Lol. I should have used the whole thing.
Step Two – Prep your space.
If you have a bathroom large enough to lie down in, that’s pretty ideal. Or you can do the ‘enema’ part there and then put a towel on your bed and lay on that during the ‘waiting’ part. I just made a little bed on the bathroom floor, with 2 bathmats under the towel and a towel for a ‘pillow’:
It’s like a spa! A spa where they torture you…
Also I put some Kleenex next to me (I had a runny nose when I did this) and baby wipes (I don’t know why really, these just seemed like a good idea?), and an extra towel. Oh, and a Kindle and my phone in case I got bored during the ‘waiting’ part. What am I supposed to do…just lie there?
Step Three – Prep your enema bag.
Never thought I would be writing those words…Anyway, I bought this kit off of Amazon, and it’s pretty easy to assemble. It comes looking like this:
There’s a bunch of extra parts, you really just need the hanger thing, the pink bottle, the (smaller, thinner) nozzle tip, the clamp mechanism, and the big fat long tube. You connect the long fat tube to the pink bottle, and screw in the nozzle at the end. The clamp goes somewhere in the middle-ish and you put it on like this:
When you have it put together, tighten the clamp on the tube and hang the bag off something higher than you (gravity). I first tried on a doorknob, but it wasn’t really working (in hindsight I realize the tube was too long, so I probably could have cut a foot and a half off it so I *could* just hang it on a doorknob)…so then I hung it off the top of the shower door, which was way better. Double-check that the clamp is tight, then pour the coffee liquid in the bag.
Step Four – Understand how the ‘clamp’ works.
Let me save you the trouble of accidentally spouting warm coffee liquid all over the place before you even do the darn thing…do a little tester with the clamp first ;) It is also actually REALLY important to make sure there are NO AIR BUBBLES in the tube – after the liquid is poured into the bag and fills the tube as well, you can raise the tube up high then down again to make sure there is no air in it…I actually poured out a tiny bit of liquid from the nozzle tip into the sink before starting, just to make sure.
* I was super worried about this, because air in the tube can make gas bubbles in your stomach, and it can hurt a bit…but I had absolutely no issues with it and now I see it’s not a big deal at all. Here is Pants’ advice for ‘air in the tummy hurting you during an enema’: rub/kind of push on your stomach for a few seconds where the pain is. The air bubble pain should stop after like, 15 seconds. (If it doesn’t, then stop the enema and eliminate bowels. Try again later, making sure there is no air in the tube.)
Step Five – Coconut Oil.
Lube goes on the nozzle tip – use a lot, coconut oil is super great. I hope I never have to write that sentence again.
Step 6 – Just do it.
Lie on your RIGHT side, and put the tip in where the sun don’t shine (I am SO sorry I am writing about this, Mom!) and just breathe, you are fine. The tip goes in a couple inches, and it doesn’t hurt. (If it hurts, it just means you didn’t use enough oil, so stop, wipe it clean, and put more on). Unclamp your clamp when you are comfortable and let the coffee liquid flow in. Clamp it if it feels too funny or you need to slow it down. Take your time, that’s fine. When the entire bag is emptied (you can see the liquid stop flowing in the tube), take the tip out, and clean it off (baby wipes!) – and NO, it’s NOT icky or gross or anything, I promise. I am super OCD about poop/bathroom-related things and this WHOLE process was very clean, no issues with *anything* icky at ALL. Seriously.
Step 7 – Set your timer.
Ideally, you want to ‘hold’ the coffee liquid in you for about 12 minutes (NO LONGER than 15 minutes!), while still laying on your RIGHT side. Just do as much liquid as you can, for as long as you can (up to 12 minutes). I thought this part would be hard to do, but it wasn’t. I just set the timer on my phone then watched a Netflix show on my Kindle.
Step 8 – Go to the bathroom.
Now you just expel all the liquid and…everything else that comes with it. The coffee liquid will come out first, so that feels a little odd, but then you just go to the bathroom like normal. Or like, a little more than normal, I guess. I guess that depends how toxic you are, maybe?
Step 9 – Clean up.
Clean up is super easy. Again, nothing is dirty or gross, so you just thoroughly soap-clean the nozzle tip, and then run warm water through the bag/tube (I did this in the tub). Hang to dry. Preferably not where anyone walking by will see it.
HOW I FELT BEFORE/AFTER
And that’s it! So…Here’s my assessment on how I ‘felt’ before/after…
Some disclosure: I have been having MAJOR digestive issues since early December – Yes, caused by S.T.R.E.S.S. (I’ll talk about this in another post, as there are SEVERAL reasons the last month or so of the year was really stressful for me.) This is my Achilles Heel – Whenever I get stressed, BOOM, tummy troubles :( Then I get all freaked out that everything I eat is trying to kill me since…it feels like it is. The whole process really runs me down, and I’ve gotten a little weak and sickly because of it. (This is the real reason I wanted to do a coffee enema in the first place, and why I am making a HUGE effort in 2016 to really eliminate some high stressors in my life.)
I felt…good? Now, the funny thing is I didn’t realize HOW run-down I was, and Sky was just recovering from the flu, and…I totally got the flu the next day! And I was like, ‘The coffee enema made me sick!’ And Pants was like, ‘Um no, you just have the flu. Duh.’ And I got nailed with it hard, you guys! (Sick in bed for FOUR days. I haven’t been ‘sick’ like that in YEARS. Note to self: TAKE BETTER CARE. EAT MORE FOOD.) But aside from having the flu, I will say that right after I did the coffee enema, I felt…clear? Like, a TON of energy I hadn’t had in a long time. I literally felt like going for a run (not normal for me lately!) and sat down and wrote like, four blog posts, I’m not even kidding. And it took away almost ALL the stomach issue stuff I had been dealing with, which was a big deal for me. So I can see how it really does help detox a person!
MY FINAL TAKEAWAY
My overall takeaway is that coffee enemas are really GOOD on a regular basis, especially for those with chronic health problems. They are also a good jumpstart for anyone experiencing some toxic/health-related issues who want to ensure their liver is getting cleaned out. But they are NOT a ‘quick fix’ or anything like that! It is more of a ‘do a few of them during a month’s time’ along with other health helpers kind-of-thing. So…I guess Joker said it best?