chancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. it’s for fun.

so much fun today by the pool.  I always forget how much better I feel when I have some real time to talk to my friends.  and nice having kids who are old enough to swim with their pals while us moms hang out. spring break is definitely starting off pretty nice…

I want to do a few depression-centered posts (that sounds fun, right? ;), but still thinking through some things, so i’ll wait a few days…

so (since he’s out of the country and never reads this thing anyway) why don’t I tell you a little about me and pants?

pants and I technically met in junior high.  although I wouldn’t give him the time of day till high school.  he loooves to tell the story when he was in eighth grade and asked me out and i said no.  listen, I liked him!  but he was an EIGHTH GRADER, lol!  I was a SOPHOMORE in high school!  two different worlds…but he was seriously the cutest.  we got together my senior year of high school…it was magical.

fast-forward…college we were on, we were off, I was never home in the summers.  I broke up with him twice, I was kind of an awful girlfriend.  I also left the country for five months a mere 4 days after getting engaged.  BAD IDEA, btw.  we were babies when we got married, and basically we got married because…that’s what good Christian kids do in the midwest.  he was 21, I was 22, we hardly knew each other and hadn’t spent longer than 2 months together in four years.  oops.

the first few years were…rocky.  ok, they were terrible ;)  but hey, here we are like, 15 billion years later, still married!  and still barely see each other, ha…although now he’s the one traveling all the time.

actually, I have to say we have had quite a bit more time together the last few months.  he actually asked his boss to cut down his travel schedule, like, in half, from last year (which totally surprised me) – mainly because it’s been really hard on me and the kids.  it’s been hard on him too.

pants is a funny guy…a GOOD guy.  but one of the more quiet, put-your-head-down-and-get-the-job-done ones.  definitely always saying smarmy comments under his breath, but just calm, cool…never feathers ruffled.  it’s a great personality trait (especially how he relates to our temperamental oldest, they have a really good rapport since pants is sooo patient…unlike me), but…in our relationship sometimes it can translate into seeming…emotionally robotic, maybe?  and if you are a big ole feeler/heart-on-your-sleeve type person like me, the lack of communicated feelings can seem like maybe there IS NO feelings.  especially since i know for a fact that pants is a GREAT communicator in the workplace (it’s literally like, a huge part of his job) and when he does stuff like leading a band, etc.  so…what about me??

pants is flabbergasted by this – he’s always like, how do you NOT know how I feel about you?!  well, probably because you never tell me, mister robot.  in my mind: not saying = not thinking it.  of course i totally bypass the fact that he is constantly working so hard all the time FOR US, barely ever does anything for himself, and treats me really nice…but because of the way i’m wired, i just really need to HEAR how he feels.  i know, i know, he’s a dude not a lady.  but…i am kind of emotionally high-maintenance ;)  like, i reaaally need to hear a couple sincere i love you’s or hey, been thinking about you’s during the day.  else i have trouble believing it and my mind starts wandering down a totally inaccurate path…like it did this past fall.  oops.  I don’t know why i can’t grasp that people have different love languages, but this concept is really hard for me…

when I write it down it seems like…not a big deal.   but in reality this is…kind of a big deal.  probably because he’s gone a lot, i’m trying to figure out where to go next in life, and we’re also dealing with some tough stuff going on with the kidswe just relate so differently, i want a little reassurance we’re still a team.  you know?

and we are.  i think ;) there’s been progress.  like, actually talking about our relationship.  to each other.  (instead of me just crying in the shower then phoning my mom…)  and i’m trying to give the guy a break, because seriously he deserves it.  especially when my ‘big feelings’ become ‘BIG LOUD YELLING FEELINGS’…i’m working on it. and lately he’s trying to tell me what he’s thinking like, all the time and it’s getting a little ridiculous, but keep it comin…

****

I gotta say, I honestly think the two things that have kept us glued together all these years in spite of our *communication* problems/complete opposite-ness, is our shared belief in God and the fact that we have the same exact sense of humor.  we have from the very beginning just always truly enjoyed hanging out together and making each other laugh…this has seriously saved us from the brink so many times.  well, that and the fact that despite 20plus years and 2 kiddos, we are still always up for a make out sesh with each other…so there’s that…

ps – calm down, I DID ask pants before I posted this if he cared I wrote about him…he was like, ‘whatever…oh you have a blog?’

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5 thoughts on “chancho, when you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. it’s for fun.

  1. oh my gosh, you are so awesome. I love this post. Funny thing, for some reason I prayed for wisdom this morning…I feel this post is just it…wise!!!

    really, thank you for sharing. xoxo

    Like

  2. I bought marc a phone, his first, for christmas and it has improved our communication and my feeling of being loved big time! He almost only texts and its often stuff like 'on my way home' but i love it. I love to know he's thought of me.

    Like

  3. I bought marc a phone, his first, for christmas and it has improved our communication and my feeling of being loved big time! He almost only texts and its often stuff like 'on my way home' but i love it. I love to know he's thought of me.

    Like

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