from the mire, only this time with tropical bananas

here’s a quick timeline for you…

jan-april:  started homeschooling
jan-april:  pants travel schedule increased to about one/two weeks overseas per month
jan-april:  sky’s asperger traits went into full-swing when andy was gone
jan-april:  i kinda sorta fell into a (great) depression, started crying randomly in the afternoons, and became a ‘yeller’. (sorry kids.  and neighbors on the left…I know you heard me that one time!).  one time i wore a pair of seriously hideous pink sweatpants and no bra to the library.  and i didn’t even care.

when you are wired a certain way like i am (tendencies toward ADHD, depression, etc), you HAVE to take care of yourself.  daily.  if you don’t, and instead pour your ENTIRE being into your children, you will feel horribly depressed.  also, if your husband is your BFF and then he goes away a lot, and you have no family who lives near you, you will feel even worse.  you will eat lots of candy (not even the kinds that you like) and start dvr-ing old episodes of tv shows from the nineties.  you will also hire a babysitter for the kids, but instead of doing something fun during that time, you will drive around crying the entire two hours.

usually i’m down for maybe a day, then i can rally.  but not so much the last few months.  i think part of it was not having enough time with my friends, a lot of whom are other moms at the kids’ school.  so with homeschooling, i’m not around the school or volunteering so much anymore, hence not around a lot of my friends as much during the day.  we have sooo many kids over all the time, but this last month I’ve made an actual effort to hang out more with adults, and i feel so much better!  (i do hang out with some other homeschool moms who are just all-around great people, but i still feel like they’re not my ‘real’ friends yet, you know?)

homeschooling.  i thought i could do it.  i did do it.  i am doing it…but i’m not sure if we will do it next year.  not because it isn’t great for sharkey (it is), but because i’m not sure if it’s great for ME.  i NEED time away.from.my.kids.  looove those little dudes, but with pants gone a lot and no family here, i just can’t hack the 24-7 all by myself.  (also?  sharkey is into things like building working robots and trying to make a satellite in the backyard.  i was tapped out at playdoh and vinegar volcanoes, so how can I keep up?)  I think it really comes down to when the kiddos are both in school (which can mean anything from a 2-day a week charter school to traditional school…there’s lots of options we are looking into), i at least get a teeny bit of breathing room, which i think makes me a better mom in the long run.  so at this point, i honestly have no idea what next year looks like.

***
i can’t believe i am even posting all this.  but i can’t be the only one who has a hard time sometimes, right?  right?!  so just trying to keep it real.  anyway, i’m back to normal now…doing some yoga, making fun summer plans with the kids, thinking about maybe coloring my hair again.  now that i’m back on track, stay tuned for my usual picture-heavy, lighthearted posts…

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One thought on “from the mire, only this time with tropical bananas

  1. and this is why I love you…

    xoxo

    you are an amazing mom no matter where your kids are schooled.

    next time you go for one of those drives…head to Seattle :)

    Like

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